I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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