Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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