My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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