I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
