I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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