im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
