I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You peed on a flamingo?!?