you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
