PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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