The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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