I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize