How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
