the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
