I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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