I'm sorry my penis didn't work
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
