Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
