Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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