I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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