I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
