Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
