i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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