He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
