he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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