Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
