took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
