i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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