Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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