Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
is that a dick in a sweater?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize