I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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