Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
