My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
