Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
