Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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