He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
