Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My ATM looks so different sober.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
