I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
