somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
