You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
