he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
