I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
