I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize