Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
