Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
