All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
