My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
