Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i out mim tonsoeep
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
