My room smells like vodka and shame
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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