Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
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