I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
