it was like his penis was on wheels.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
