Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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