just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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