Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Randomize
