Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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