well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
