I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
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You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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