I just pynch a tree in the face
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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