no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
