Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
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