I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
