My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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