three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize