please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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