last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
