He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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