I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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