i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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