I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
