guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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