i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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