i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
