i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
