Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
