Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
