I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
