They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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