you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize