Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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