Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
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I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
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It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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