You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
