Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
