I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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