in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
