the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
