Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
