We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
