i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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