dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
