Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
