you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
