she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
