remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
