Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
