Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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